Living my nightmare and dreaming my life

Today has been anything but okay. It has been hectic, surprising, devastating, lonely and depressing...one after the other, not quite that order but good enough. I woke up this morning with a sore...face? haha, well my ear and glands in my throat have been swollen for the past 2 days, so i decided to take my mother up on her advice and go to the Dr. before it got worse, so I wasn't sick on exam week...AGAIN. After waiting for over an hour I finally got in to see the Dr. only to find out that it wasn't an ear infection, but TMJ...which is like Jaw muscle tendenitis due to stress and such. Surprised about the TMJ? No, my mother has it. Surprised about the anxiety and stress? very much so. I'm not one to slow down and realize, hey I have all of this stress in my life and it might effect my health. Sure I complain about bills and work and I go out on the weekend to vent to my friends over a couple of drinks, but to be so stressed that it is effecting my health? I was very surprised about that. My Dr. began to ask me a series of questions such as my relationship with my boyfriend, school, work, bills, and my sleeping habits. Surprisingly...yet not so surprised at the same time, he pretty much told me that I am doing way too much, more than I can handle and it's starting to show. The reason I never noticed it before was because I like to stay busy...i'm used to having things to do. Now, i'm starting to not be able to sleep. I don't have problems sleeping, I have problems falling asleep, and once i'm asleep, I haven't been waking up. This is causing me to miss class, to be late to work, all sorts of things that I need to be doing that i'm missing. Not only that, but then I wake up tired, have no energy throughout the day, but can't seem to fall asleep the next night. It's a vicious cycle I must say. So my Dr. recommends staying with the boyfriend until exam week is over...i can't say that i disagree with that. Then he went on to say that i'm trying to juggle way to much and i should try to minimize that. Not like i really have a choice. So after my dr. appointment, i went to the labcorp clinic to do bloodwork, regular precedure....but i had to fast for 12 hours for it so i was completely exhausted today. on my way home i decided to have chipotle because I was so hungry and i haven't had it in a while. It was so good! I ended up falling asleep around 5 and didn't get up til 9. Missed another class ( i missed my morning class because i didn't get up to my alarm). I feel like i'm being completely irresponsible, but at the same time I feel like I could have a complete break down at anytime now. When I woke up, i had a couple of missed calls and called my sister back. Worst news possible...my cousin passed away today. She had internal bleeding which led to an emergency c-section and slipped into a coma. The baby is okay, but my cousin passed in her coma. I mean...what do you say to that? She left behind a newborn baby, husband, and a 14 year old daughter. As a beleiver.....I don't even know what to think about that. I mean that family has had sooo much to deal with already and it's like if everything is supposed to happen for a reason...when does the good stuff start happening. Well what I didn't mention earlier is that my Dr. prescribed me a sleeping pill and anxiety pill. I don't like medicine, especially when you don't need it, unless its a last resort kind of thing. after i heard that news about my cousin, I talked to Elvia, her sister, and it just broke my heart. I mean I couldn't imagine what it must be like to be in her shoes. And of course i'm so bad in those situations, I have no idea what to say. well anyway i didn't think that I would take it that hard...maybe it's just adding the the rest of my stress in my life. So I decided to take a half pill of the anxiety. Maybe it will help maybe it won't. I just hope I'm making the right decision. All I have to say is this isn't going to get any easier day by day...that's what i'm afraid of. I mean people can say "you need a vacation" all you want. But until this quarter is over, until i'm graduated and until my loans are payed off...there is something that always needs to be done and there is always something that can't wait...no matter how long I try to put it off there is no way that I can put it out of my mind. "out of sight out of mind" right? wrong. I guess it could be true in a sense but I'm one of those people that are always thinking of the million and one things that I have to get done...procratinating or not. I'm not a worry wart...I was just brought up that way-you have to do what you have to do.